i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
