# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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