good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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