its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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