The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
