mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
