My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
