dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
