ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
