Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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