No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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