like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
