Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
