i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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