someone get that fucking seahorse.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
