I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
