I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
