i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
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I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
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They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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