Life is so much better after having sex.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
