The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Randomize