i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
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