literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
