the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
