So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
