how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
