Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
