so that wasnt chicken after all
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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