very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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