theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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