I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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