So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
