HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
