We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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