if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
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I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
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She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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