Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
