butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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