I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
