I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
