The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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