Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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