mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
