No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Your cock deserves a montage
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
