I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Randomize
