She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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