I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
