her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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