So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
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