so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
