listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
