i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
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getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
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Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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