id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
