If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
