Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
