Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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