I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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