you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Did we literally take a cab across the street
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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