okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
