You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I love how my cats smell like pot.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
