I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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