I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
