I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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