She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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