i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Randomize
