her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
