So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
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