Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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