she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
