does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
