somebody snuck up and got me drunk
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
