Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
